The mind
is wavering and
restless,
difficult to guard and
hard to
restrain; let the wise
person
straighten his mind, just
as an
arrow maker makes his
arrows
straight.
DHAMMAPADA
self-examination
Self-examination
is vital to the evolutionary
path of
love. Only in an atmosphere of complete
honesty
can unconscious psychic impediments
to our
growth be cleared away.
When we
turn our consciousness inward to
reflect
upon the self, a new sensitivity unfolds.
Self-examination
helps to renew and
fine-tune
the senses. Sexual habits are particularly
dulling
to the senses, and it is here
that
self-examination is of great value.
If one
partner depends exclusively on the
other for
support and comfort rather than
seeking
these within, the result can be a burdensome
imbalance
in the relationship. Real
love
places no value on projection of selfish
fantasies
onto the other. This does not allow
room for
the play of ecstatic, spontaneous love,
which is
the goal of Tantra. Instead, a relationship
becomes
limiting; it may even drag
both
partners into an unresolvable conflict.
Failures
in both love and marriage often
result
when one partner does not live up to
the
expectations of the other. This suggests
that
there is no real partnership, but rather
that one
partner is being selfish with the
other. In
this situation a couple lives together
in an
inner state of separation and hypocrisy.
In the
Tao te Ching, a Chinese philosophical
work of
the sixth century B.C., there is a
beautiful
and clear statement about selfknowledge.
The
author, Lao-tzu, declares:
"Knowing
others leads to Wisdom; know-
14 Brahma
the Creative
ing the
self leads to Enlightenment. Mastering
others
requires force; mastering the self
calls for
inner strength."
Self-examination
is both a touchstone and
a support
in life. It strengthens the mental
attitude
necessary for self-development. It is
a very
personal practice and should not be
made a
topic of general conversation, for
doing so
results in psychic dispersion and
weakened
self-confidence. Positive selfexamination
deepens
the capacity for intuitive
experiences.
It creates a state of enhanced
receptivity.
By seeing ourselves in a clear
light, we
can eliminate negativity and doubt,
which
tend to pollute our relationships. Authenticity
within
the couple fosters spontaneity,
thus
liberating the relationship from
the
conventional and predictable. Invoke an
earnest
desire to know your true self. Put
aside
self-doubt and fears.
Self-examination
is a prerequisite of any
practice
of meditation. It can be performed
at any
time and is an internal reflective process
far
removed from the mind's chatter and
random
thoughts.
Self-examination
starts with the observation
of one's
relation to the things and events
of the
world. Try to view all experiences as
connected
to one another and to oneself;
notice
the fine details and cultivate an inquisitive
but
detached attitude. Examine
whatever
comes to you and try to understand
the
causes behind each situation and
your
actions in it. A simple procedure for
self-examination
is to sit comfortably in front
of a
mirror, close your eyes and empty your
mind of
all thoughts. Then gradually begin
to open
your eyes, looking at the reflection
in the
mirror as if meeting that person for
the first
time. See what sort of impression
you make
on yourself. Notice how changes
in your
facial expressions are linked to
thoughts
and emotions. Gradually enter into
rapport
with your mirror image, gently relaxing
your face
while maintaining conscious
control
of breathing. If you notice negative
qualities
in your reflection, make a careful
adjustment
of attitude and emotion, using the
breath to
stabilize the psyche. Imagine that
you are
replacing a negative quality with a
positive
one, and try to feel the "new you"
as real
and lasting. Then gradually close your
eyes and
concentrate on assimilating the experience,
imagining
it as pervading your
whole
being.
The
essence of meditation is using the
mind to
know the self. External objects can
help in
meditation, but should not be relied
upon
exclusively. A lit candle can, for example,
be a
helpful aid to self-examination.
Study the
flame and focus all thought upon
it. Then
compare qualities in yourself with
the
bright dancing candlelight. Imagine that
the
flames are burning away all the impurities
in your
psyche. Then mentally center an
image of
the candle flame between your eyes
and keep
it burning in your mind. Bathe your
whole
being with this inner light of the mind
and use
it as a focus for self-examination.
By
knowing yourself you can come to
know
others. Don't criticize others before
correcting
faults in yourself. Only through
self-examination
can you develop real insight.
Real
insight requires courage and rigorous
honesty.
An attitude of constant self-examination
will
quickly overcome inner obstacles
to growth
and generate a marvelous potential
for
Tantric love. Self-examination is the
most
direct path to the experience of nonduality
and
mystic awareness. Only in that
experience
can a physical relationship take
on a
lasting meaning.
Constantly
maintain alertness of consciousness in walking, sitting, eating,
sleeping,
and in all other acts. Avoid concealing your own faults and speaking of
the
faults of others. Should thought processes be difficult to control, be sure to
persevere
in your efforts to overcome them. Know that the meditator, the object
of
meditation and the act of meditation constitute an inseparable unity.
GAMPOPA
