Self-examination is vital to the evolutionary path of love

The mind is wavering and
restless, difficult to guard and
hard to restrain; let the wise
person straighten his mind, just
as an arrow maker makes his
arrows straight.
DHAMMAPADA

  

self-examination

Self-examination is vital to the evolutionary

path of love. Only in an atmosphere of complete

honesty can unconscious psychic impediments

to our growth be cleared away.

When we turn our consciousness inward to

reflect upon the self, a new sensitivity unfolds.

Self-examination helps to renew and

fine-tune the senses. Sexual habits are particularly

dulling to the senses, and it is here

that self-examination is of great value.

If one partner depends exclusively on the

other for support and comfort rather than

seeking these within, the result can be a burdensome

imbalance in the relationship. Real

love places no value on projection of selfish

fantasies onto the other. This does not allow

room for the play of ecstatic, spontaneous love,

which is the goal of Tantra. Instead, a relationship

becomes limiting; it may even drag

both partners into an unresolvable conflict.

Failures in both love and marriage often

result when one partner does not live up to

the expectations of the other. This suggests

that there is no real partnership, but rather

that one partner is being selfish with the

other. In this situation a couple lives together

in an inner state of separation and hypocrisy.

In the Tao te Ching, a Chinese philosophical

work of the sixth century B.C., there is a

beautiful and clear statement about selfknowledge.

The author, Lao-tzu, declares:

"Knowing others leads to Wisdom; know-

14 Brahma the Creative

ing the self leads to Enlightenment. Mastering

others requires force; mastering the self

calls for inner strength."

Self-examination is both a touchstone and

a support in life. It strengthens the mental

attitude necessary for self-development. It is

a very personal practice and should not be

made a topic of general conversation, for

doing so results in psychic dispersion and

weakened self-confidence. Positive selfexamination

deepens the capacity for intuitive

experiences. It creates a state of enhanced

receptivity. By seeing ourselves in a clear

light, we can eliminate negativity and doubt,

which tend to pollute our relationships. Authenticity

within the couple fosters spontaneity,

thus liberating the relationship from

the conventional and predictable. Invoke an

earnest desire to know your true self. Put

aside self-doubt and fears.

Self-examination is a prerequisite of any

practice of meditation. It can be performed

at any time and is an internal reflective process

far removed from the mind's chatter and

random thoughts.

Self-examination starts with the observation

of one's relation to the things and events

of the world. Try to view all experiences as

connected to one another and to oneself;

notice the fine details and cultivate an inquisitive

but detached attitude. Examine

whatever comes to you and try to understand

the causes behind each situation and

your actions in it. A simple procedure for

self-examination is to sit comfortably in front

of a mirror, close your eyes and empty your

mind of all thoughts. Then gradually begin

to open your eyes, looking at the reflection

in the mirror as if meeting that person for

the first time. See what sort of impression

you make on yourself. Notice how changes

in your facial expressions are linked to

thoughts and emotions. Gradually enter into

rapport with your mirror image, gently relaxing

your face while maintaining conscious

control of breathing. If you notice negative

qualities in your reflection, make a careful

adjustment of attitude and emotion, using the

breath to stabilize the psyche. Imagine that

you are replacing a negative quality with a

positive one, and try to feel the "new you"

as real and lasting. Then gradually close your

eyes and concentrate on assimilating the experience,

imagining it as pervading your

whole being.

The essence of meditation is using the

mind to know the self. External objects can

help in meditation, but should not be relied

upon exclusively. A lit candle can, for example,

be a helpful aid to self-examination.

Study the flame and focus all thought upon

it. Then compare qualities in yourself with

the bright dancing candlelight. Imagine that

the flames are burning away all the impurities

in your psyche. Then mentally center an

image of the candle flame between your eyes

and keep it burning in your mind. Bathe your

whole being with this inner light of the mind

and use it as a focus for self-examination.

By knowing yourself you can come to

know others. Don't criticize others before

correcting faults in yourself. Only through

self-examination can you develop real insight.

Real insight requires courage and rigorous

honesty. An attitude of constant self-examination

will quickly overcome inner obstacles

to growth and generate a marvelous potential

for Tantric love. Self-examination is the

most direct path to the experience of nonduality

and mystic awareness. Only in that

experience can a physical relationship take

on a lasting meaning.

Constantly maintain alertness of consciousness in walking, sitting, eating,

sleeping, and in all other acts. Avoid concealing your own faults and speaking of
the faults of others. Should thought processes be difficult to control, be sure to
persevere in your efforts to overcome them. Know that the meditator, the object
of meditation and the act of meditation constitute an inseparable unity.
GAMPOPA